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50 Fun Christmas Cracker Jokes

The best cracker jokes we could find, or the worst, we're not sure really. And we do sometimes use them in our quizzes to add a bit of festive fun!

The 4 stages of life: 1. You believe in Santa Claus, 2. You don't believe in Santa Claus, 3. You dress up as Santa Claus, 4. You look like Santa Claus. And our jokes don't get any better!? Enjoy and Merry Christmas!

Cracker Jokes - paper hat and toy not included!

  1. What do elves like to post on Social Media?
    Answer - Elf-ies
  2. Where would you find a Christmas tree?
    Answer - Between a Christmas two and a Christmas four
  3. What did Cinderella say when her photos did not arrive?
    Answer - One day my prints will come
  4. What sort of athlete is warmest in winter?
    Answer - A long jumper
  5. Where do fish keep all their savings?
    Answer - In the riverbank
  6. What do you call a group of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
    Answer - Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer
  7. What musical instrument did the turkey play in the band?
    Answer - The drums (because it had drumsticks)
  8. What do you call a snowman after winter?
    Answer - A puddle
  9. What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
    Answer - It's Christmas, Eve
  10. What do snowmen like to do at the weekends?
    Answer - Chill out
  11. Why will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit?
    Answer - No Brussels
  12. Which Christmas carol do dogs like best?
    Answer - Bark the Herald Angels Sing
  13. What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a duck?
    Answer - A Christmas quacker
  14. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
    Answer - Because they're always dropping their needles
  15. What do you call a donkey with three legs?
    Answer - A wonkey
  16. What is the name of Santa's brother, who is a detective?
    Answer - Santa Clues
  17. Where do unhealthy elves go to get fit?
    Answer - An Elf Farm
  18. Where would you see snowmen dancing?
    Answer - At a Christmas snowball
  19. Can you name Santa's favorite singer?
    Answer - Elf-is Presley
  20. Which of Father Christmas's reindeers has the worst manners?
    Answer - Rudolph (Rude-olph)
  21. What month do Christmas trees hate most?
    Answer - Sep-timber
  22. Which letter is missing from the Christmas alphabet?
    Answer - 'L' (there's No-el)
  23. How do you know Santa is good at karate?
    Answer - He has a black belt
  24. What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?
    Answer - A stick
  25. What did Santa Claus ask Mrs. Claus about the weather?
    Answer - Is it going to rain deer
  26. When is a boat like snow?
    Answer - When it's adrift
  27. Where are Christmas films made?
    Answer - Holly-wood
  28. What hides in a secret Christmas bakery?
    Answer - A mince pie
  29. What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
    Answer - Jingle Smells
  30. What does Santa sometimes suffer from when climbing down chimneys?
    Answer - Claustrophobia
  31. How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
    Answer - Deep pan, crisp and even
  32. Knock knock! Who's there? Hanna. Hanna who?
    Answer - Hanna partridge in a pear tree!
  33. Why did nobody bid for Dancer and Prancer in the auction?
    Answer - Because they were two deer
  34. What do gorillas sing at Christmas?
    Answer - Jungle Bells
  35. What footwear can you make from banana skins?
    Answer - Slippers
  36. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's climbed over?
    Answer - He keeps a logbook
  37. What did the snowman say to the angry carrot?
    Answer - Get out of my face
  38. What is a child’s favourite king?
    Answer - A Christmas stocking
  39. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
    Answer - Frostbite
  40. Why are advent calendars unlikely to be on sale next Christmas?
    Answer - Their days are numbered
  41. What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
    Answer - Horn-aments
  42. Why was Cinderella no good at sport?
    Answer - Because her coach was a pumpkin
  43. What is the name of Santa Claus's wife?
    Answer - Mary Christmas
  44. What did one tinsel say to the other tinsel?
    Answer - Let's hangout
  45. What do young elves first learn at school?
    Answer - The elf-abet
  46. Why was the young snowman told off in the supermarket?
    Answer - He was picking his nose
  47. What do you call Santa when he gets stuck in a chimney?
    Answer - Santa Pause
  48. Why did the Christmas dinner taste like an old cushion?
    Answer - It had too much stuffing
  49. What did the thief get for stealing advent calendars?
    Answer - He got 24 days
  50. What is the best Christmas present in the world?
    Answer - A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!

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